Dear Scarlet -- From Papa

Dear Peanut,

It's time to share with you the reason I call you Peanut. The Virginia peanut always forms with two nuts in the shell. Sometimes one of the peanuts doesn't quite form like the other but they are both there and you know what they are. Your older brother Kingston had a difficult time forming the way he should and succeeded in coming to earth and gaining all of the promises and blessings that an innocent child can. He is a remarkable example to remember and hold close to. You and he are those two peanuts.

You had the challenge of starting life very early and with the help of your Father in heaven and the medical miracles available to you, you jumped into this mortal experience with some great support.

I remember visiting you as often as I could for the weeks that you were being cared for in the hospital and yearning for the time that I could hold you and whisper in your ear just how much I love you. Those weeks were very long for me and when I did hold you, it was like touching heaven.

The determination shown in your eyes was that you were ready for life and it would have to be ready for you. Your personality is one that will make a difference for those who surround you.

May I remind you that you are an official member of the "Adventurers" club and you have an official grape soda bottle cap to prove it. As a member, it is your duty to glean and gain all that you can squeeze out of life. Listen to your mom and dad and follow their council and instructions. Remember that Kingston has already walked through doors we can only prepare for and that your older brother is a guardian angel for your family.

I have told you to be nice to Elliot. Not only because you are his older sister, but also because he is bigger that you, and always will be, and you will open doors for him as time passes. He will always look up to you for your support and love.

Watching you grow up is a great joy to me, just like watching your mother grow up. I love giving you a bad time and playing with you and sharing time with you and seeing you accept and participate in new challenges. You make me smile.

I love you Peanut!

Grandpa Dunn

P.S. Happy Birthday!

Dear Scarlet -- From Aunt Candice

Hey Scarlie!! I am so excited that you are turning four! I really enjoyed the time I have spent with you and look forward to the times ahead!  

During our last visit, at the park, I had a wonderful time singing with you on the swings and chasing you around the playground chatting it up! I can tell how much you love music, and my wish for you is to continue exploring your talents and gifts. One very important thing I know of you, is that you are a precious daughter of God, and He loves you so much! He listens and guides us every moment. I also know that your brother Kingston is a very special son of God, and is very loved, both on earth and in heaven. He is perfect, and we are learning now about choosing the right, and following our Savior, so we can all be reunited with him again.  It is a glorious thought to know he is in heaven cheering everyone on, and waiting for all of us to return! I love you so much and hope to make more memories with you!

 

Love Aunty Candice

Dear Scarlet -- From Aunt Stephanie

Dear Scarlet,

We hope you have a very Happy Birthday! We were especially excited when your Mom and Dad announced they were pregnant with twins. Because we too were pregnant and we were so excited at the thought of our baby having cousins her same age. When they found out the news that Kingston wasn't expected to live we felt heartbroken for them and for you, but we knew that the hand of God was in all things. We knew that there must have been more important work for him on the other side. Kingston was able to come to earth and receive his body and quickly return home to his Heavenly Father. At the Funeral his spirit was there. We had never seen a casket so small and it broke our hearts to see your parents have to feel the sadness that they were. We felt comfort in knowing that he would be your guardian angel. In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike-and they will-you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven --Jeffery R. Holland

We love you and Makoy loves you most of all! You are a very special person. We were so glad when you got to come to our house and ride horses with us. We hope you know what a wonderful family you have and how hard they worked to get you here. We Love You-----Love Jim, Stephanie, Brylee, Reagan, Anthony and Makoy Marziale.

Dear Scarlet -- From Daddy

Cute Lil’ Scarlie Babe,

First off, Happy Birthday sweetie pie, your birth is such a wonderful memory. We are so lucky to celebrate it each year! This letter is meant to share briefly, what it took to have Heavenly Father bless us with you and your brother Kingston. We don’t regret any of it and would not do anything different. You two were both worth every moment and memory! The story goes something like this:

Your mom and I have gone through some very tough, emotionally frustrating times. We have been blessed with many things throughout our marriage, but the ability to have children has never been one of them. Because of this, we have dealt with many difficult decisions about family building, feelings of loss, watching friends/family experience parenthood, anger and even shame. Feelings of guilt have been shared by me and your mother at different levels of intensity during different periods of our marriage. It’s very difficult to grow up in a culture that encourages and teaches the importance of family and not be able to fulfill those goals. To reduce the duration of these experiences and feelings we decided to go forward with fertility treatments. Your mother went through a lot of uncomfortable hormonal swings with these treatments. She was so selfless throughout the entire process, and we were both so determined to make it happen. It wasn’t until in-vitro that we started to see progress. Your momma had to endure many injections that made her very sore and bruised to make the whole pregnancy work. She was such a trooper, and even had one of her friends give her one of these injections in a public restroom while at dinner in Carraba’s. True dedication! To make a long story short, all these treatments were worth it. The day we found out we were pregnant was moving your uncle Josh at one of his Orem rental houses. We were overfilled with joy; it was truly overwhelming and unforgettable. All the anguish and sorrow of infertility melted away with just a few words by phone call: You’re pregnant! The hug I shared with your mother after the news was one of my favorite moments during our marriage.

Our first ultrasound delivered even better news, we were pregnant with twins! Seeing 2 little hearts beating was breathtaking! Life was good! It seemed like a dream at this point. So many things were going right. Our 20 week ultrasound further revealed we were having a boy and girl. It appeared too good to be true. It was exactly what we wanted. Sad thing is, this wasn’t all that was revealed during the ultrasound. The examination was nerve wracking. I’ve never been a fan of complete silence during procedures like this, it normally means one thing. The technician simply told us at the end that your twin brother Kingston had an enlarged bladder and we would need to address our questions with a perinatologist. We were heartbroken but didn’t think much of it until we got home and searched the internet. Everything we had read about concerning an enlarged bladder resulted in terrible news. We prayed the internet was full of inaccuracies and exaggerated stories. Unfortunately it wasn’t far off; our worst nightmare was confirmed during our first visit with the perinatologist who described to us the features of a condition called Trisomy 18. He told us your twin brother would not live very long, if at all. The news was devastating! We literally went home and cried all day! Once again life returned to being unfair. We thought we had suffered enough, but I guess Heavenly Father had more life lessons in store for us attached with many unbelievable blessings. Your brother Kingston did well through most of the pregnancy but showed poor signs of health from week 29 through 33. Your mother knew during week 33 that it was time to deliver if we were going have a chance to meet a living Kingston. The delivery came by surprise. Your mother stayed the night in Labor and Delivery with the expectation of going home the next day. Things changed rapidly. Your mother called me early the next morning reporting the decision of our OB doctor to go to the operating room. Driving to the hospital that morning was some of the most dangerous driving I’ve ever done. I ran 4 red lights and broke every speed limit on the way. The L&D nurses were shocked at my expeditious arrival. Nothing would get in the way of seeing my babies delivered!

            As an anxious, yet extremely excited soon to be father, I was so proud to see you for the first time when the doctor pulled you out of your mother's belly. Unfortunately your lungs weren’t mature enough and you were rushed back where a breathing tube was inserted to give surfactant and breathe for you to give you lungs a rest. It was such a bitter sweet moment to see your wonderful entrance into this world and at the same time mourn and celebrate the life and death of your angelic twin Kingston. The moment your brother was delivered he was so much tinier than you and not doing very well. They had to breathe him back up with a face mask to afford us the opportunity to hold him, snuggle him, bathe him and most importantly bless him. You were such a sweet little girl to let your brother meet everyone first. You knew he was struggling and had a limited amount of time to meet his family. You allowed your brother Kingston to make the most of his short existence here on earth. The spirit was so strong and can visibly be seen in a picture of this exact experience.  Your brother Kingston loved you. While you 2 were in your mom's belly, he made sure you were healthy by giving you some of his momma baby food while in your mom’s belly, leading to a significant difference in size between the 2 of you. Because of this, you were strong and such a fighter. The healthcare staff was impressed with you in the NICU. Your determination to pass all your health exams and go home to your family much sooner than expected was remarkable. We were so proud of you! You were our own little ICU Spiderman superhero! Thank you baby Kingston for making this all possible!  I firmly believe he will be your protector and watch over you the rest of your life. We are so lucky to be blessed with his perfect spirit and presence in our lives. I believe he asked your heavenly father to allow the opportunity to have your brother Elliot. Kingston did not want you to go through this earthly existence without a younger sibling. Kingston knew you were a shining star and wanted you to radiate the warmth and love you possess to your brother Elliot. You are such a big girl, big sister who eats all her chicken (you were always so proud when we mentioned this during family dinner). You make me smile so big when you play with your brother Elliot and make him laugh and also laugh at his funny jokes. You make him feel important. He will always love you for this. As your daddy, I ask you to always look after your brother Bubba, love him, cherish your relationship with him, and teach him how to make good decisions. Be an example to him. Your twin brother Kingston will be by your side helping you every step of the way. Kingston sees the potential in you and wants you to succeed in all you do. My Sweet lil Scarlie Babe, I hope you have the best birthday ever! You’re getting so way bigger, way too fast. Your mom and I love you more than words can express. Your personality is undeniable. We are both so excited for what the future holds as a family!!!! Love you baby cakes, always will!

Sincerely Your first boyfriend and Daddy

 

Dear Scarlet -- From Uncle Nathan

The day you were born is imprinted on my mind more than most other memories. For some reason I wasn't at the actual birth I am fairly sure I saw you later that day. I remember coming to the hospital with your cousins Josh and Chloe and walking into the room where your mother was lying along with your brother. She looked like she had just given birth to two kids and had a C-section... oh yeah, she just had. She looked like she had been up all night and had a piece of her heart ripped out. Kingston laid on his bed next to your mother and the room was still and silent. Your brother had already ascended to Heaven before I got to hold him. When your mom asked me if I wanted to hold him I remember being very hesitant because I knew he had already left and I don't like to mess with the deceased. It was a very strange idea for me at the moment but when I picked him up and held him all of the skeptical feelings and strangeness seemed to disappear, and as I looked at him it was almost like he was still alive. Even though death was in the room there was still a very happy feeling that presented itself. After I put him back down and left the room I went to the lunch room, sat down at a table, and started to cry almost uncontrollably. I had been able to keep my emotions in until now but I couldn't hold them any longer. My mother came over and tried to console me only to have herself start crying. It was a sad moment even though I knew everything was okay.

The day of the funeral is also a day in my life that has more significance than others. I remember going to the cemetery and seeing the tent set up with chairs and a small hole in the ground. I started to cry again and probably didn't stop until the end of the services. I remember your great grandpa pulled up and I went over to the car to help him to his chair, and when we hugged we both stood there and cried. I don't remember how the funeral proceeded but I do remember the "Letter from Kingston" which was beautiful and I hope is in this book as well. I also remember one of your fathers good friends Scott playing a song, I think it was Somewhere Over the Rainbow, all I remember was how I could hardly see him through my eye fountains and how choked up Scott was becoming. Everyone was crying but they were good tears, happy tears.

Now that a few years have passed all I have are the memories. I like to think that Kingston is still around though, constantly connected with you, walking with you and keeping you on the path you need to be on. I like to imagine him in his perfect body walking with you and growing up with you. One day I wrote Kingston a letter and put it in a fire so it would get sent to Heaven, if you ever feel sad or that you need help with anything, I bet if you write him a letter and burn it he will help you with anything. Scarlet, you are a very special girl. You have an amazing life ahead of you. Whenever you read this book and feel sad, don't, because even though it may be sad, underneath lies the happiness. These are the memories of Kingston, not sad stories. Kingston is in a better place and we will all see him again. I love you Scarlet.

                Love,
                            your uncle Nathan

Dear Scarlet -- From Nuncle Jesse

Dear Scarlet,

I want to tell you about the day you were born and what I know about your brother Kingston and the day you were born. You see, on the day you were born you came with a twin brother. Most people don't get a twin, especially a twin like Kingston. We all knew that Kingston wouldn't likely be here physically with us for long, but I know I had a lot to learn from his time here all the same. I'd like to tell you about what I've learned because of him and why we'll never forget him.

When you and Kingston were born I remember wanting to come up and see you both so much. By the time I got to the hospital you were in NICU (a place for babies to get special care), and Kingston had already left for heaven. Your mom and dad were there, and I knew it was important to see them too. While I was there I was able to see Kingston's body and even hold it. He was so tiny, but I felt a strength in that room that I'll always remember. That feeling came from your brother and what your mom and dad told me about him. The part I remember best is your mom and dad telling me about how he talked to them. He didn't use words like you and I do, but he used his ability to love and show his mom and dad that he loves them the way that they love him. He taught me how I can show love.

Your brother also loves you very much. He may not be here with us now, but he wanted you to live and be a part of your family here on earth. He gave you what you needed to live, because you were born so early. He knew you'd need some help to make it, and he gave it to you, even if it meant a sacrifice on his part. That sacrifice didn't matter to him. What mattered is that you got what you needed. He taught me what sacrifice really means.

Your brother's funeral was a hard time for many of us in the family. Little Josh had a lot of questions and really wanted to see him too. He loved Kingston even though they never got to meet. Kingston taught me that I need to love and teach my own children too.

Your brother leaving us so early got me to think about how important it is to live a life that our Heavenly Father wants us to live. Your brother came to earth to gain a body, and to bless his family with that which our Heavenly Father wanted. You and I get to live on. It's not for me to say why most of us live on, but I can tell you this: your brother's example to us is important to me. He taught me how important it is to follow the gospel so our families can be together forever.

Your brother Kingston wasn't here on earth for very long, yet his legacy remains. Through his many acts of love and what he has taught me he will always be a part of my life, and more so a part of yours.

Have a happy birthday, Miss Scarlie,

love,
Nuncle Jesse

P.S. I loved our "date" to Chick-a-lay. Your aunt Tina and I had a really good time with you, and we love when we get to spend time with you.

Dear Scarlet -- 3 Years

Dear Scarlet,

How did you manage to grow up so fast?  Three years old already?  I thought it would be fun to do a little interview with you this year, so here we go.

Nicknames:  Rabies (I know, it's an unfortunate name your dad gave you as a baby and it stuck), Pooperton, Scarlie, Sweetness

How old are you?  5! (Well, you're three.  We need to work on this one apparently.)

What is your favorite color?  Blue.  Suck, suck, suckers! (Obviously you're a fan of suckers)

What is your favorite animal?  A shark.

What is your favorite book?  My sharks. (I think it's really Cat in the Hat)

What is your favorite TV show?  Uh, uh, TVs.  Umizoomi!

What is your favorite movie?  Monsters, Inc.

What is your favorite song?  Umizoomi!  (Well, since you didn't give me an honest answer, your favorite song is Penumbra by Book on Tapeworm, also known by you as Shadow)

What is your favorite food?  Dinner and cupcakes.

What is your favorite drink?  Water (I wish!  Your favorite drink is anything sweet.  Lemonade, chocolate milk, Coke, Sprite, etc.)

What is your favorite breakfast food?  Uh, cakes. (As in pancakes.  You will eat more than me when I make them).

What is your favorite snack?  Cupcakes

What is your favorite game?  Monsters (we have no such game)

What is your favorite toy?  Hey mommy, tickle tickle.

Who is your best friend?  Uh, friends. (apparently all your friends are your best friends)

What do you like to sleep with at night?  I like a latapitter.  Translation:  Caterpillar.  (I hate no idea what you're talking about.  You always have to have blankie and then some sort of toy when you sleep.)

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Uh, dress up!

Where do you live?  At California.  (We just moved to Arizona.  You were so excited, but I guess that wore off).  

It was like torture getting you to answer these questions.  The answers to most things were about sharks or cupcakes.  Or Monsters.  I think you're slightly side tracked.  It was still fun though.  I'm excited to see what you will say next year.  

Like I mentioned above, we just moved from California to Arizona.  The move wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  You have adjusted very well so far.  You take a ballet and tap class once a week.  You love it and usually tell me it was "super fun."  It's adorable to watch you as you learn new things.  You have such a talent for learning.  

You are now my big girl.  I love you more than you will ever know.  Thanks for being mine.

Love you forever,