Dear Scarlet -- 4 months

Dear Scarlet,

Have I told you lately just how much I adore you? You have such a beauty about you. Over this last month, you have really become quite a "talker." It's so much fun to listen to you talk about your life, or whatever it is you're talking about. You have also become super smiley. Since you now like to smile, we have discovered two very cute dimples just above your lips. So cute!!

I cannot believe you are already 4 months old! The time is flying. Before I know it, you will be a year old. It saddens me that you are growing up so quickly, but at the same time, I am enjoying you more and more each day. You seem to be learning something new all the time. You have discovered your hands. You will only suck on your left hand for some reason and you usually try to talk to it as you are sucking.

Remember how I told you that you would have beautiful blue eyes? Well, it's true. They are dazzling. They are the most beautiful blue.

You are still really tiny. I think it's hilarious, but you still wear newborn size clothes. I'm trying to transition you to 0-3 month size, but it's a bit of a stretch. You weigh 9 pounds 8 ounces and you are 22-1/2 inches. That means you have gained almost 6 pounds and grown 6 inches since you were born!! You are still in size 1 diapers. Your hair has also decided to grow just a tiny bit. It's gone from completely bald to fuzzy.

You and I had a special moment not too long ago. You love to dance. I was holding you and dancing and singing, like we do almost every day. I looked up and there we were, dancing in the reflection of Kingston's photo. It was almost as if the three of us were dancing together, just the way it always should have been. We sure do miss having him around.

I attempted to put you in the bumbo chair a couple of weeks ago and this is how it turned out. Let's just say you didn't like it. You look so cute in it though. You are doing so well holding up your head. You also did something else pretty amazing this month. You slept an entire night, a full 11 hours! Thank you!! I woke up feeling absolutely amazing. See, I hadn't had a full night's sleep in quite a few months, so it was quite a little treat for me.

The day we wanted to bring you home from the hospital, the doctor found a murmur in your heart. It was finally time to venture out to the cardiologist to see if your little heart was healthy. They hooked you up to all these leads and did an EKG to see the rhythms of your heart. The good news is, your heart is totally healthy! It was so nice to finally hear good news from a doctor.


Well, my little 4-month-old beauty, I sure do love you to pieces. You brighten my day.

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Scarlet -- 3 Months

Dear Scarlet,

I realized the other day that at some point in the future, my heart beat will no longer lull you to sleep and it made me a little sad. If you have been wondering why we snuggle so much in the afternoon and take naps together, that is why. I love that the natural rhythm of my body can soothe you to sleep.

Scarlet, I know you are too young to hear this right now, but at some point in the future, it will be helpful. When you are searching for a husband, look for a man with the qualities that your dad has. Your dad is an amazing man. He is away right now in Washington DC. He's trying to get into a master's program so that he can better his education and get a well-paying job at some point in the future. He is trying so hard to take care of you and give you the opportunities you deserve. He loves you so much. He will do anything he can to better your life and protect you. I want you to know just how proud of your dad that I am. He works so hard to provide for our little family. He's the love of my life.

Within the last month, you have had lots of fun. You experienced your first Halloween. Don't worry, I ate all of your candy. Thanks for sharing. You were the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen. We also blessed you this last month and it was a very special day. You are now in size 1 diapers!! I can't believe how fast you are growing. You now weigh 8 pounds even. You were just over 4 pounds when we brought you home. You have officially doubled your birth weight. Way to go baby girl! I put away all of your preemie clothes last night and it made me a little teary eyed. I'm sad that you are growing up so fast, but I'm so happy that you're healthy. You will occasionally smile, but you love to scream. Sometimes you "talk" too. I love that.

As the holidays are fast approaching, I can't help but think how difficult this year will be for us. We love watching you experience life, but at the same time, there is a little hole where Kingston should be. I will be wondering what it would be like to see him with you around the holidays, getting Christmas presents, and laughing with you. It hurts my heart that he is not here with you.

Well, little Scarlet, happy 3 month birthday. You make me proud to be your mother. Thank you!

Love always and forever,

Mom

Dear Scarlet -- Blessing Day

Dear Scarlet,

Today was your special day! This morning, you were extra happy and pleasant. You didn't cry once. You slept until I needed to get you ready, and then I took my time getting on your beautiful dress (my blessing dress), your homemade bracelet, your blessing ring and of course, your specially made shoes. You looked fabulous! I kept looking at you and thinking of how lucky I am to be your mother. The day was even perfect. This morning was bright and sunny. Last night it was dark and rainy. Then all of a sudden there was a beam of light through the clouds and the most beautiful rainbow. I believe that was your brother telling us he's right here with us.

This week had been especially emotional for me. When I was first pregnant, I would think about this day and how special it was going to be to bless you and Kingston at the same time. As today approached, I realized that dream would not be. It was only you we would get to bless today. I cried a lot. I told your dad how grateful I am to have you, yet how broken my heart is at the same time. That heart break seemed to vanish as I felt the spirit close to us today, so peaceful and comforting.

You didn't make a peep the entire time at church. Your dad held you tight as he blessed you. It was amazing to watch as he carried you to the front of the congregation in his arms and then all of the priesthood holders surrounded you and placed their hands on you. There are so many people who love you! The spirit was overwhelming. I believe Kingston was there too. I think that is why you were so calm today. Even your dad was lucky enough to feel him there. How lucky are we to have Kingston?

After church, we had a delicious lunch and great company. We had lots of cousins and friends there to celebrate you! We ates lots of yummy soups and desserts. It was the perfect day! Everybody had to pass you around and stare at you. You really did look beautiful.

Scarlet, I know you won't remember today, but it will be forever ingrained in my memory as one of the most special days of your life. The gospel is amazing. I hope that one day you gain a testimony of the gospel for yourself and share it with those around you. I could not have made it very far this year without the help of our Heavenly Father. He truly does love us. Remember, you can do anything with two people as long as one of them is God. He will lead you through your trials and be there at your happiest moments. He is the Almighty.

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Scarlet -- 2 months

Dear Scarlet,

You never cease to amaze me. You have a way of stopping the world. People look at you and are in complete amazing that you are the way you are, so tiny, so beautiful, so healthy. You always make those who look at you smile. I hope you are always that way. You truly are amazing!

Do you miss him? Kingston? I miss him for you every single day. I wonder how you continue to thrive so well without him here. I thought you would struggle a little more than you did, but you are a fighter. I like to think at night, when it is most quiet, that that is when you talk to him. I hear you in your bed while you sleep and I swear I can hear you laugh and talk. It's probably just you grunting while trying to poop, but I like to think you are talking to our precious angel.

In the last month, you have rolled from your back to your tummy twice. In the same day. You haven't done it again, but I know you will one day. I'm in no rush for you to grow up. I love being your mom. Everyday is the best day of my life with you here. I have waited so long for you to be in my arms and it is more glorious than I ever could have imagined.

You now weigh 6 pounds 6 ounces! Way to go baby girl! You still wear preemie clothes at night, otherwise you drown in your jammies and I'm always worried they will swallow you up and I will never see you again. You have started sleeping 4 hour stretches at night and I am so grateful for that! Maybe a 5 hour stretch here and there won't be so bad, huh?

Tubby time is still your favorite part of the day. You get so relaxed and comfortable. There was only one instance when I pulled you out and wrapped you in the towel that you pooped all over the towel, down the front of me and all over the bathroom floor. It was probably your biggest poop to date. I'm pretty sure you just didn't want to get out of the bathtub and that was your way of getting back in. It worked. It was gross. Grandma Dunn was here to witness it and we still laugh about it.

I think your eyes will be blue like mine, not blue like daddy's. We'll see. Either way, you will have beautiful blue eyes.

You have you daddy wrapped around your finger like you can't believe. He is so in love with you. So in love! He always thinks you have the cutest outfit on (he thinks that everyday, so apparently he just thinks you are pretty cute).

Scarlet, I love you. Thank you for being mine. Happy 2 month birthday!

Loves,

Mom

p.s. If you happen to see Kingston, tell him "hi" for me and that I really miss him and love him.

Dear Scarlet -- 1 month

Dear Scarlet,

Today, you are one month old. In some ways this month has gone by fast and in other ways it has felt like forever since you were born. Everyday that goes by, you get more and more beautiful. Your father and I just adore you and we are so glad you are finally a part of our family.

Bella is trying to get used to you. She still smells you and wonders what in the world is going on. I'm quite positive you two will be best of friends some day.

In the last month, you have lived most of those days in the NICU, 27 to be exact. Kingston came and went. We had an amazing funeral for him. One day we will show it to you. You have grown quite a bit. You went from 3 pounds 12 ounces to 4 pounds 12 ounces. You have grown just over half an inch as well. You are still very petite, just the way I love it. You have been so fun to dress in the little tiny preemie clothes. Your headbands still don't fit because your head is just too small still. You love your baths. You have been so much fun already and I can't wait for all that is to come!

Scarlet, we love you to pieces!

Loves,

Mom