Cute Lil’ Scarlie Babe,
First off, Happy
Birthday sweetie pie, your birth is such a wonderful memory. We are so lucky to
celebrate it each year! This letter is meant to share briefly, what it took to
have Heavenly Father bless us with you and your brother Kingston. We don’t
regret any of it and would not do anything different. You two were both worth
every moment and memory! The story goes something like this:
Your mom and I have
gone through some very tough, emotionally frustrating times. We have been
blessed with many things throughout our marriage, but the ability to have
children has never been one of them. Because of this, we have dealt with many
difficult decisions about family building, feelings of loss, watching
friends/family experience parenthood, anger and even shame. Feelings of guilt
have been shared by me and your mother at different levels of intensity during
different periods of our marriage. It’s very difficult to grow up in a culture
that encourages and teaches the importance of family and not be able to fulfill
those goals. To reduce the duration of these experiences and feelings we
decided to go forward with fertility treatments. Your mother went through a lot
of uncomfortable hormonal swings with these treatments. She was so selfless
throughout the entire process, and we were both so determined to make it
happen. It wasn’t until in-vitro that we started to see progress. Your momma
had to endure many injections that made her very sore and bruised to make the
whole pregnancy work. She was such a trooper, and even had one of her friends
give her one of these injections in a public restroom while at dinner in
Carraba’s. True dedication! To make a long story short, all these treatments
were worth it. The day we found out we were pregnant was moving your uncle Josh
at one of his Orem rental houses. We were overfilled with joy; it was truly
overwhelming and unforgettable. All the anguish and sorrow of infertility
melted away with just a few words by phone call: You’re pregnant! The hug I
shared with your mother after the news was one of my favorite moments during our
marriage.
Our first ultrasound
delivered even better news, we were pregnant with twins! Seeing 2 little hearts
beating was breathtaking! Life was good! It seemed like a dream at this point. So
many things were going right. Our 20 week ultrasound further revealed we were
having a boy and girl. It appeared too good to be true. It was exactly what we
wanted. Sad thing is, this wasn’t all that was revealed during the ultrasound. The
examination was nerve wracking. I’ve never been a fan of complete silence
during procedures like this, it normally means one thing. The technician simply
told us at the end that your twin brother Kingston had an enlarged bladder and
we would need to address our questions with a perinatologist. We were
heartbroken but didn’t think much of it until we got home and searched the
internet. Everything we had read about concerning an enlarged bladder resulted
in terrible news. We prayed the internet was full of inaccuracies and
exaggerated stories. Unfortunately it wasn’t far off; our worst nightmare was
confirmed during our first visit with the perinatologist who described to us
the features of a condition called Trisomy 18. He told us your twin brother
would not live very long, if at all. The news was devastating! We literally
went home and cried all day! Once again life returned to being unfair. We
thought we had suffered enough, but I guess Heavenly Father had more life
lessons in store for us attached with many unbelievable blessings. Your brother
Kingston did well through most of the pregnancy but showed poor signs of health
from week 29 through 33. Your mother knew during week 33 that it was time to
deliver if we were going have a chance to meet a living Kingston. The delivery
came by surprise. Your mother stayed the night in Labor and Delivery with the
expectation of going home the next day. Things changed rapidly. Your mother
called me early the next morning reporting the decision of our OB doctor to go
to the operating room. Driving to the hospital that morning was some of the
most dangerous driving I’ve ever done. I ran 4 red lights and broke every speed
limit on the way. The L&D nurses were shocked at my expeditious arrival.
Nothing would get in the way of seeing my babies delivered!
As
an anxious, yet extremely excited soon to be father, I was so proud to see you
for the first time when the doctor pulled you out of your mother's belly. Unfortunately
your lungs weren’t mature enough and you were rushed back where a breathing
tube was inserted to give surfactant and breathe for you to give you lungs a
rest. It was such a bitter sweet moment to see your wonderful entrance into
this world and at the same time mourn and celebrate the life and death of your
angelic twin Kingston. The moment your brother was delivered he was so much
tinier than you and not doing very well. They had to breathe him back up with a
face mask to afford us the opportunity to hold him, snuggle him, bathe him and
most importantly bless him. You were such a sweet little girl to let your
brother meet everyone first. You knew he was struggling and had a limited
amount of time to meet his family. You allowed your brother Kingston
to make the most of his short existence here on earth. The spirit was
so strong and can visibly be seen in a picture of this exact experience.
Your brother Kingston loved you. While you 2 were in your mom's belly, he made
sure you were healthy by giving you some of his momma baby food while in your
mom’s belly, leading to a significant difference in size between the 2 of you.
Because of this, you were strong and such a fighter. The healthcare staff was
impressed with you in the NICU. Your determination to pass all your health
exams and go home to your family much sooner than expected was remarkable.
We were so proud of you! You were our own little ICU Spiderman
superhero! Thank you baby Kingston for making this all possible! I
firmly believe he will be your protector and watch over you the rest of your
life. We are so lucky to be blessed with his perfect spirit and presence in our
lives. I believe he asked your heavenly father to allow the opportunity to have
your brother Elliot. Kingston did not want you to go through this earthly
existence without a younger sibling. Kingston knew you were a shining
star and wanted you to radiate the warmth and love you possess to your
brother Elliot. You are such a big girl, big sister who eats all her chicken
(you were always so proud when we mentioned this during family dinner). You
make me smile so big when you play with your brother Elliot and make him laugh
and also laugh at his funny jokes. You make him feel important. He will always
love you for this. As your daddy, I ask you to always look after your brother
Bubba, love him, cherish your relationship with him, and teach him how to make
good decisions. Be an example to him. Your twin brother Kingston will be by
your side helping you every step of the way. Kingston sees the potential in you
and wants you to succeed in all you do. My Sweet lil Scarlie Babe, I hope you
have the best birthday ever! You’re getting so way bigger, way too fast. Your
mom and I love you more than words can express. Your personality is undeniable.
We are both so excited for what the future holds as a family!!!! Love you baby
cakes, always will!
Sincerely Your first boyfriend and Daddy
